communication breakdown. someone told me she couldn't ever imagine us apart.

i had the best weekend, nothing much happened. i'm learning how to appreciate being alone, just me myself and i in my lil messy(as messy as my thoughts are) room. i had the time to let my brain wander away just for awhile. i dont know why i enjoy going back to my memories when they're supposed to be things of the past. i know im supposed to keep looking forward, but it takes some ignorance plus a lil bit of energy to shape my whole mindset everytime something 'new' pops up. maybe its cause they make me feel comfortable knowing those were things that were once real and they belong to me solely. i am not an animal of change, that i realised a long time ago. my life is pretty dull, but its quiet and comfortable, ive got no reason to complain. but there are times when i ask myself, is this enough? what do i want to do with my life and where do i go from here. ive got so many 'what if's in my mushed up brain, its like im writing the endings of every story only theyre in my dreams. 2 mins to the start of a new day...........

keep the volume down, there's no room for you tonight.

i need to learn meditation.

second week into gen surg and i can feel fatigue building up. today's ward rounds lasted for 3 hrs, my poor little feet were screaming 'let me rest!!'. oh well but everyday's been brain supplementing- always spammed by info overload. hahah glad im meeting up with porgy this week, miss them all. getting sucked up with all this med routines really gets draining. im looking forward to the thurs dinner, motivation to not crash till then. hahah i love fridays srsly. BLAHHHH. my eyelids are drooping alr i need sleep. but ive got to do presentation tomm need to prepare, plus theres a gazillion things to mug up on. my team mates are unbelievably enthusiastic. oh well, that just means ive got to stop slacking and buck up! >< fridayyy hurry come!!!

Strangers,I hope we don't become.
Ah well all I can tell myself now is to keep doing my best and see where that takes me.

yesterday, for a moment i stood there feeling alone and i had a flashback of memories. I suddenly remembered how it felt a few years back, and i got really scared. what if that moment back in time was replaying itself right now. no its not fair,this time round i've fought so hard to keep it going. i need to hang on. everything will turn out alright, as long as you're still with me. hello, i hope youre still there.

have been going for the cheer competition the past two days. hell lot of drama, felt like some mad woman.but i witness some amazing courage and perseverance. i feel like a part of me has changed. its been a mindblowing experience. now im loooking back at the videos, and the feeling of hollowness sinks in. hahah oh well, that was the decision i made and i just i have to be happy being standing outside of the circle( like the eg ali gave,venn diagram eg. haha). these people have done amazing things and i'm really proud of the team. despite all the shit, they still put on a good show. this is their moment, their time. when will i get mine?